Not Good of Aloneness
" It’s not good to be alone " Genesis 2:18
In this reflection, we will explore plans for removing aloneness through God’s principles for intimacy.
God created the heavens, the earth, and all that lived upon it. He built an amazing home for Adam to live in and called it “good.”
The first time God declared something was “not good” was about Adam`s lack of relationship. Adam was alone, and his aloneness in relation to other humans was “not good.”
God has the same declaration for people today:
It’s not good to be alone!
Listen to the Father`s heart:
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He sees the elderly - He sees lives well lived now living without companionship
He sees the single person - The Father sees potential and ability to live for His glory, but they are hindered by the loneliness of their
hearts.
He sees a marriage - His heart is broken because so many couples are married but still alone!
He sees children - His heart is broken as families are so busy with activity that many children are missing intimacy and are very
much alone.
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What other categories of people is God whispering to you about? Listen to His heart. Listen to His compassion.
Enter the gates with thanks giving
Psalm 100:4
God declared in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that man should be alone.” In order to experience God’s intended abundance in life, marriage, family, and friendships, aloneness has to be removed.
Aloneness could be defined as: A sense that an important person in my life does not deeply care about me. The experience of aloneness is painful; it’s debilitating, yet the antidote for aloneness is the experience of closeness and intimacy within relationships.
We are created to need intimate relationships with God and with other people. In other words, we need both spiritual and interpersonal relationships. An individual can have a relationship with God, and not be spiritually alone, but still experience interpersonal aloneness. Looking back to Genesis 2, Adam was alone interpersonally but not alone spiritually. After Genesis 3 and sin, each of us now enters the world both spiritually and interpersonally alone. This aloneness can only be resolved through intimate relationships with God and other people. Both are required to live life to the full.
Engage in Reflection
Think back to the time when you made your personal commitment to Jesus. In what ways did you come to know Him more intimately?
In what ways were you less alone spiritually? Pause quietly to consider and give thanks.
As I remember my commitment to Christ, I remember coming to know Him as . . .
e.g: ..... One who takes interest in the special details of my life.
...... One who is concerned about my cares and anxieties.
If you haven’t yet made this commitment to Christ or you don’t know God in a personal, intimate way, ask a Christian friend
to talk to you about how to begin a relationship with Jesus, find out about an Alpha course near you, or contact the
Healing Prayer Centre for guidance.
Removing Human Aloneness
What is the answer to the inter-personal aloneness in our hearts and the aloneness in our relating to other people? No amount of education, motivation, or good intentions can remove the aloneness of our lives. No amount of activity, tradition, or discipline can remove interpersonal aloneness. No amount of doctrine, religious activity, or church attendance can remove it. No amount of activism, social programming, or community involvement can remove aloneness. Only close, meaningful relationships can satisfy human neediness and remove this dimension of aloneness.
Here is the good news: God has made ample provision for our aloneness. He has provided family, marriage, friendships, and the fellowship of His church. Each of these is part of God’s answer for the aloneness of our hearts. Marriage is not for everyone and sadly, marriages and families may fail to provide good intimacy, but Jehovah Jireh, the Lord Provider, has provided His church too, so that no one need ever be alone! Churches too, can fail, but God`s people within them can seek to truly be His people and convey this provision.
We know what will address the spiritual aloneness of our hearts—an intimate, personal relationship with God through His Son,
Jesus Christ.
There is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved
Acts 4:12
Experience Scripture:
Reflect on God’s provision for you in the people you are connected with.
You may have a spouse, children, family, friends, and the body of Christ—just for you.
God’s provision is ample provision for our lives.
How does this provision touch your heart?
We may desire specifics, like a life partner, but God has given us relationships just for you and me.
What is your response to God for them?
E.g.: I feel humility and gratitude. I haven’t thought much about God providing these relationships just for me. I’m grateful that He did! Reflecting on the way that God has provided for our needs often prompts gratitude in our hearts.
How does your gratitude now motivate your care toward others?
E.g.: As I think about how God has provided for me, it makes me want to do a better job of providing for other people.
Rejoice with those who rejoice . . .
Romans 12:15
Pause and celebrate together for how God has provided for you through those who know and care for you.
Brainstorm a list of “enemies” that seem to attack our relationships today (i.e. divorce, addictions, debt, healthcare, etc.).
Recall a time when you increased the amount of support for one another in your friendships, or small group in a time of their need.
How was this increase in support successful in facing, resisting
and overcoming these attacks?
. . the gates of hell shall not prevail .
Matthew 16:18
God’s Answer to Aloneness
What will it look like to remove aloneness in the lives of those around us?
How will we go about renewing relationships and removing signs of aloneness in them?
Aloneness Removal = Supporting One Another
Lot and his family had been in close supportive relationship with Abraham but then chose to go and live in Sodom & Gomorrah (Genesis18-19) They were accountable and encouraged one another to live according to God’s plans. But when Lot separated his family they began a slow, moral demise until they were overwhelmed by the enemy as Lot and his family were vulnerable to the enemy’s influence by being alone. Lot’s family were rescued from their situation because Abraham took the initiative to intercede on their behalf.
A new commandment I give to you, you love one another as I have loved you
John 13:34
Building Through Making His Love Real
Think about those close to you.
Who has been facing attacks from the enemy and could benefit from your support?
Who has been facing difficult circumstances and could benefit from your encouragement and comfort?
Who has specific tangible needs and could benefit from your giving?
Freely you have received,
therefore freely give
Matthew 10:8
Celebrate a time when God worked through another person or friend to “freely give”
to you in a time of need.
Recall a time when you were prompted to freely give to a friend, family member, or
even a stranger during a time of need.
When did God involve you in ministry to another person’s aloneness?
Experience Scripture:
If we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—
whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.
1 John 5: 14-15
Follow Jesus’ example; pray and live out this request:
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“Heavenly Father, I want to be a better servant to my family and friends, and others around me. Help me, this week, to lift my focus beyond myself to notice the needs of others. Prompt my mind and empower my initiative to meet these needs.”
Aloneness Removal = Encouragement and Comfort in Time of Need
1 Samuel 19–20 The story of David and Jonathan. David was discouraged. He had been anointed king but was now a fugitive. Saul had tried to kill him and his friends were conspicuously absent. David was alone except for one special friend, Jonathan.
David’s one friend made such a difference. Jonathan removed David’s aloneness. David could be totally honest with Jonathan. 1 Samuel 20:1.
Aloneness Removal = Freely Giving
Acts 4:32-35 Jesus followers of the first century marvelled at the wondrous thought that God allowed them to be conduits of His provision and grace. The gatherings of these Christ-followers were amazing demonstrations of God’s provision as they brought proceeds of sales for the common good.
Serving others with sensitivity and initiative is a critical part of deepening relationships. Jesus is an example of this when He noticed the many needs of hurting people around Him and took initiative to meet those needs.
You might take notice of these opportunities and implement them in your life:
• Look for the “unnoticed” people around you. Start a conversation.
• Offer to help someone within your capabilities.
• Take care packages to someone in need.
. Send a token / card / note to show they are not forgotten.
Relational Needs
Introduction
Human beings are complex creatures made of mind, emotions, encompassed in a physical body, with a spiritual element. Scripture tells us it is not good to be alone, so there is an important relational factor in each of us. In fact, and we may not be keen to admit it, but we have needs - not just physical - air, food and water, but also relational. To help us thrive we need these met by others. Some appear more important than others depending on how well we have been provided during our early years, and how well we adapt to having our needs met or not.
This page introduces some of these needs, provides examples, and allows us to consider how well we are receiving them and giving them to others, as we cannot give them to ourselves effectively. Where we are lacking in receiving them, it is good to give away to others, for God sees our needs and is a generous God.
Seeking healthy authentic relationships? - then check these out.....
In the next few sections we will look at some specific ways to break the aloneness people can feel.
Which do you value most?
Think of your friends and family - which do they value most? What would they look like for that person?
Think how you might provide these emotional needs to those you care about, and especially to those who appear to be alone.
Words of Affirmation
The saying "sticks and bones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is nonsense! Words are powerful and can have lasting effect, especially negative ones, not just memories in our head but in our heart too. They can bless or hurt; encourage or criticise, thank or reject, open or stifle.
There are many ways to give affirmation both verbally or written, immediately or after consideration.
When someone affirms they are recognizing the identity of a person and their worth showing they are valued and accepted unconditionally, often for something they have said or done. If words of affirmation are just that, words, or platitudes, they will not have any affect, and likely make a person feel even more alone. Affirmation is an emotional offering. A heartfelt emotion supercharges the intention of the affirmation and makes connection - relationship with the receiver.
Approval - Thinking and speaking well of a person, expressing commendation occurs when someone points out and brags about the character trait rather than what has been accomplished (appreciation) A person is acknowledged for who they are rather than for what they have done. Someone affirms the fact of and importance of the relationship.
He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will
Ephesians 1:5
There are many scriptural affirmations!
Appreciation
Communicating personal gratefulness through words and feelings. Appreciation shows the other person has been noticed and is not taken for granted, by expression of thanks, praise and commendation. It`s a great motivator! It`s also not criticism which notices what`s wrong instead.
I praise you for remembering me in
everything and for holding to
the traditions just as I passed them on
I Corinthians 11:2
Anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval. Romans 14:18
Acceptance
Welcoming reception with a favourable positive response.
Unconditionally received and accepted can change the way a person sees themselves, even after they have shown to be imperfect.
Accept one another, then,
just as Christ accepted you,
in order to bring praise to God.
Romans 15:7
Encouragement
Urging and persuading someone to keep going in pursuit of a goal
A kind word, an affirmation, or a confirmation of your vision can be the catalyst that changes the world. Encouragement looks like noticing that someone is struggling or has a long road ahead and encouraging them to persevere by a word, a note, ready to cheer someone on.
Encourage one another and
build each other up
1 Thessalonians 5:11
The Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, 2 Timothy 4:17
Attention
Taking thought of another and conveying interest, concern, care and support, entering into their world, doing things they like to do. Often this is by being a listening ear and giving a person undivided time. They are given time and the focus is on them for that period.
Know well the condition of your flocks and pay attention to your herds Proverbs 27:23
Members of the body may have the same care for one another. 1 Corinthians 12:25
Respect
Valuing highly and conveying great worth. Honouring the person for who they are, created in God`s image. Tear down walls that keep us apart. We are not all the same but we are all alike. Treat others as important and valued.
Respect looks like asking others for their opinion, or listening to them without interrupting,
...in humility value others above yourselves, Philippians 2:3
Be devoted to one another in love.
Honour one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10
Support
Support is coming alongside and offering a helping hand to do something together or carry a problem. It is not giving advice or taking over from the other person.
Carry each other's burdens,
and in this way you will
fulfil the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2
Comfort
Providing hope and strength by word and action to ease pain and cheer.
Comfort is when someone responds to another`s hurt with appropriate words, feelings or gentle touch They feel loved when others sit quietly beside them and are "with them" during a difficult time.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Affection
Communicating closeness and care through sensitive loving words and physical touch.
Affection seeks a closer intimacy feeling especially loved when others give them hugs, kisses, or pats on the back. They might like it if someone puts an arm around them or sits close to them. and tells them they are special and loved. Words express and intimacy.
Greet one another with a holy kiss.
Romans 16:16
Security
A confidence in relationship bringing harmony and freedom from harm
The need for security is met when there is harmony in relationships and protection, provision and stability is established. It is ongoing, and requires a consistency in relationship.
Now may the Lord of peace
himself give you peace at all
times and in every way. The
Lord be with all of you.
2 Thessalonians 3:16
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
The above are a taster for helping to relate and break the aloneness people may have. In scripture, many can be found in the "one another" verses, with the over-arching command: -
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'
The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."
Mark 12:30-31